When my sister called me in the middle of a waitressing shift, she sobbed through the phone. "He didn't wake up". I was so confused. "You mean he is on life support?". "No, he didn't wake up." It was all she could get out. I collapsed on the floor in the middle of a busy kitchen. I heard a cook say, "Someone get Carmen," and the next thing I remember was my manager telling my devastated sister on the phone I would call her back as she ushered me into the back pantry, sat me on a crate, and stared at me with complete empathy and disbelief. As I struggled to comprehend reality at that moment, I became all-encompassed in shock and horror. My world had just collapsed under my feet. My soul collapsed. As the minutes kept going and I could not back peddle out of this, it felt like a nightmare that would not end. I melted into nothing. I was broken and destroyed. My father had died unexpectedly in his sleep at the age of 53. He was my best friend.

 

Fast forward to 2019, and my mother took a turn for the worse. She passed in the ICU at the age of 64. Both of our parents were now gone. My Mom's death was traumatic. We made the decision to end life support on my birthday. I was 41. I don't feel ready to write about it. 

 

Next was my boyfriend, Jay, who left his physicality in 2020. It was again, my birthday. His death was unexpected and deeply confusing. It was horrific and wrought with unanswered questions and sadness. He was 43. To say I wanted to die and go with them, to be with them all, was an understatement. Everyone was gone.

 

Truly, I wanted to die. I wanted to leave Earth and be done for good. For the months following Jay's death, I became physically ill. I developed conditions I had never had before. I gained weight even though I wasn't eating. I turned to alcohol even more than in the past, and I felt like utter shit. I developed back problems, eating problems, skin issues, and digestive pain. I was sick and in pain. I had to move during this time and could barely lift a box. Of course, I had to anyway. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up. 

 

But I didn't. I kept going one excruciating day after the other. Support from my loved ones, my sister (who fortunately is also my best friend), a therapist, and my cats are what kept me here. And I guess I have always had some kind of inner determination; is it resilience? It kept me moving forward. My Mom passed over in 2019, and Jay in 2020, so during the COVID pandemic, when many found this extra time in the day that we didn't know we had. I started grad school, found good doctors, took weekly walks on the frigid winter beaches of Maine, and slowly, and I mean SLOWLY, I rebuilt myself, my life, and my health. 

 

And after all, they aren't truly gone, are they? I have books of experiences to write that explain my lifelong experiences of communicating with the afterlife. It's real and available to all of us here, still left to pick up the pieces and somehow reconstruct a life worth living. My sister, nephew, my cats, and the support of a good friend kept me here. I felt like a nuclear bomb detonated inside my gut when Jay died. I survived, though. And then what do I do? In the middle of a pandemic, I went back to school. I got my MBA. I built a successful cremation jewelry business. I am here to help you also rediscover your soul purpose during grief.

 

And now, I am excited to help facilitate for others the journey of grief toward the light after a significant loss. Grief can coexist while we also discover our inner light, possibly even for the first time. I thought I knew my purpose, but I have been completely redefined since 2020. The key for me was that I could communicate with them, still, and it brought me so much peace and comfort. Not to mention receiving interesting and life-changing information from beyond the veil and the support to go on. I still had my life to live.

 

From the death of my father and then over and over again, I found myself immersed in a world of darkness, sadness, and grief. And I saw that there were others like me. The death of a loved one changes you forever. I knew people needed ways to connect with their lost people and pets, as I did. I am not the same woman I used to be, and it seems like my life has become dedicated to helping people heal grief and trying to make some beauty out of the depths of despair.

 

I am a compassionate, caring artist, entrepreneur, cat Mom, and aspiring author. I also work for a major airline and have just completed my MBA. I currently reside in Charlotte, NC, with my two cats, Nora and Jude. My hope is that I had to work extra hard so that others could feel some relief during the unimaginable pain of the death of a loved one.

 

Thank you for your time and blessings to you and all of your loved ones, both here and in spirit. I am honored to help by bringing compassion and comfort to people with cremation ash memorial jewelry and keepsakes. If you would like to learn more about my services, click the chat icon or send an email to heather@ashurnandsea.com